So, my plans for a big post with all the final pieces of my work form last semester kind of fell through. At least, in a timely way. It may be kind of late, but here's my final ZBrush project: (Admittedly I've been pretty busy celebrating Christmas with my relatives.)
And here is a time-lapse of me working on it:
Also, breaking up with my girlfriend on New Year's day kind of really sucked too. It's hard to believe that it's only been three days already. I've been such a roller-coaster of emotions... I'm just starting to go numb. But my heart still jumps into my throat every time the phone rings, or I that I got an email. Then it falls rather quickly down into the vicinity of my toes. If I was ever to write a song about it, this would be one of the lines: "I can't kill time fast enough to get away from you."
However, even though it sucks, I've been handling it a lot better than I thought I would. Excepting for lots of sighs and relatively short spats of depression, I've actually been able to live a rather normal life. Actually, it's felt good because for some reason the grief makes self-control really easy. Most of my usual struggles have all but disappeared.
I'm trying really hard to just get over it and move on as fast as possible. I don't want to be depressed and lonely; it doesn't do me or my family any favors. I've been spending rather massive amounts of time in prayer, trying to get as close to God as I can, and in turn, heal as quickly as possible (to say nothing of keeping up my spirits.) To be completely honest, I almost wish the pain wouldn't go away so that I could stay this close to God all the time. However, it's still really hard to just trust him to rule my life. I was so sure that she was the girl for me that I never seriously considered what would happen if we broke up.
It's almost funny, looking back. There are so, so, so many red flags. Heck, the "song that I inspired her to write was entitled "Nothing New." I don't know what I was thinking to ask her out, honestly. I guess simply that I'd follow God wherever he led me. He did lead me to her, I have no doubt of that. I don't regret the relationship, really. It just hurt a ton and took so much of me. I spent nearly 1/10 of my life trying to to win her heart.
Well, aren't I remissy today?
When I'm not feeling down, I'm pretty excited. I can't wait for who or what God has in store for me out there. I know he knows what he's doing, and I trust him. I just have to learn to accept that I can't know the future, that this relationship wasn't a waste, and that God does in fact have a very, very, very specific plan for me.
I feel like I'm a frontier again.
As I said on Facebook the other day. "This year can only get better." I'm looking forward to it.
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